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To my vests:

November 5, 2013

Vest MosesIt is finally legitimately vest weather in Lawrence. I, for one, couldn’t be happier. In an esteemed place in my closet rests the most wonderful items of clothing I own: Blue, Fuchsia and Red. My vests.

Blue, Fuchsia, Red, we’ve had good times together.

Blue, remember that time I fell asleep at the movie theater? We both knew I wasn’t going to make it through that movie, and you, with your turtle-neck-like features, were there for me. Obviously, we didn’t want everyone to know about my tiredness, so your slick collar helped shield my resting eyes from the public. 

Bike vestFuchsia, I wouldn’t have been able to ride that tricycle without you. A regular jacket would have confined my movements like a straightjacket, but you, with your perfect form, allowed me to dominate that bike like a pro.

Red, you’re my newest vest – the only one I bought myself! You’re a KU vest, which gives me an excuse to wear you to football games and volleyball matches (as if I needed an excuse to wear you!). Jayhawk spirit AND all the pleasantries of a vest? The absolute greatest!

Shopping vestOh, and Blue, thank goodness for your agile zipper. Without you, I just would not be able to shop properly. There are not enough hands to inspect shirts while holding other items.

I think my favorite part about you guys is your inside pockets. We all know why. They’re the perfect size for chocolate chips, popcorn chicken, sandwiches and scones. I couldn’t have pulled off half the jobs I have without your inside pockets! We’re so stealthy.

Snowy vestPeople always ask me about the arm thing. You know, how vests are perfectly designed to only cover the torso and not the arms. They’re always curious as to whether or not my arms are cold and if my torso is the only part of me that’s chilly. They just don’t understand you, my vests. They don’t understand the convenience of your inside pockets or maneuverability of your sleeveless nature. They don’t understand my attachment to your sleek design and snow-absorbent body. 

I understand where they’re coming from. I mean, not everyone can appreciate a good vest. They just can’t fathom how great it is to be able to move my arms wherever I want without them being constrained by a jacket or sweatshirt. You’re brilliant, and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Colorado vestFall brings crisp air, falling leaves, Thanksgiving and a colorful sky. It’s vest weather, and that, as you guys know, is the best weather.

Thanks for everything you do!

P.S. Your inside pockets are also the perfect size for Thanksgiving leftovers.

 

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From → Junior

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