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–”I don’t even know; I just hate everything.” –”Sophomore year.”

November 13, 2012

Yesterday, I was sitting at lunch with two close friends. I tried to explain my mood – that the place I’m at right now in my life isn’t totally satisfying to me. And then I ended my piece with, “I don’t even know. I just hate everything.” (Which of course isn’t true, but I was in a mood). So then, Josh just looked at me and said, “Sophomore year.” I guess.

Josh, Emily, and I have had many conversations about sophomore year, and I’ve blogged before about my difficulties with the discrepancies between freshman and sophomore year. This hasn’t been my favorite year of school so far. I mean, it’s not bad – I like my classes, activities, events, etc. – but there’s just something about my life right now that leaves me not fully and completely satisfied. And I’m definitely not the only one who feels this way, and that’s why I’m writing this blog post.

The feelings in this post are similar to ones I expressed a few weeks ago about how confused I am, but the reason I am writing this new post is to try to give myself and my peers some hope. I just want us all to recognize that we’re not alone, we can identify with each other, and we’ll make it through, just like everyone who has come before us has.

I definitely go through a roller coaster of emotions on a daily basis – times when I’m excited about something, then I just hate everything, then I don’t even know what to think about anything. Evidence? Only a couple days after I wrote my post about confusion, I wrote another post about being excited for life. Now? I don’t know, probably a mixture of both. I just need to make it to Thanksgiving break.

I’m at this point in my life that everyone goes through – the transition from childhood to adulthood, the transition from freshman year into, well, not freshman year. See, freshman year was truly amazing for me. I loved it, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. The summer after my freshman year was equally amazing.  As sophomore year started, I knew it would be different, but I am constantly finding myself at this wall – a wall of self-doubt and self-evaluation. And it is incredibly frustrating.

My fellow sophomores, every day, without even really noticing, we’re chipping away at that wall. Each day, we get closer to getting beyond the wall. And it can be frustrating to not know where you’re headed or how you’ll get there, but it’s also important to keep in mind that you don’t want to grow up too darn fast.

We’re going to have crappy days where we feel like there’s a weight bearing down on our chests. And every time we breathe, all we feel is that weight. And we have to take deeper breaths in order to overcome that weight. But eventually, at least for the time being, that weight will go away. And we’ll learn how to control it, how to deal with it, better.

I don’t have all the answers on how to survive sophomore year because, well, I’m still living it. But even those who have overcome the sophomore rut don’t have all the answers because as much as it kind of sucks, it’s something everyone has to go through because it helps make us the people we’re supposed to be and create the lives we’re supposed to lead. It’s a tough one. But we just have to keep in mind that it’ll be worth it because when we cross over to the other side, when the wall is torn down, when the weight is lifted, when the sky is clear, enter another great metaphor here, we’ll be even more of the people we’re supposed to be. So keep trucking, my friends, keep living life, keep doing what you’re doing. We’ll make it through, and everything will work out, just like it always does.

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From → Sophomore

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